Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Network omnipotency

The Christian God put out an unexpected press release today confirming that rather than being completely omnipotent, holy coverage is actually around 99.3%. This has been attributed to reception black-spots in some of England’s more sceptical backwaters, including Starbucks coffee shops (the ones with free WiFi), most Universities, households with above average income, everyone under 35 and Swindon. There were also reception compatibility issues in Southall, Tower Hamlets and some parts of the West Midlands.

Commentators were quick to note that this percentage puts Yahweh behind both T-Mobile and O2 – meaning in many places, if you want your prayers answered, you’re better off sending a text.

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